'[He said] that me kissing my cat is disgusting': 25-year-old boyfriend says his girlfriend is "unhygienic" because she lets her cat sleep in bed with her, she stands up for herself and her feline and dumps him

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Feb 28, 2026 10:00 AM EST

Cats are like kids - you and your partner have to align your expectations about them as early in the dating process as possible. 

And we're not just saying that. In our time writing for ICHC, we have seen one too many relationships end because of improperly aligned expectations about cats. We have seen an 8-month relationship end because one of them couldn't stand living with the cat, leaving in the middle of the night, even though he never explained having a problem in the first place. We have seen a relationship end because the vegan girlfriend claimed having a cat is immoral, and instead of leaving because of that right away, she waited until the two of them were already considering moving in together. The worst one might have been a 9-year relationship ending because the girlfriend cuddled her cat at night and her boyfriend didn't like it. 

All of these relationships shouldn't have been given two dates, let alone two months, let alone two years. Wasted time, wasted potential and so many feelings hurt, for what? Just because things were left unsaid or ignored. The sooner you see the red flag, the better. Talk about it, and do something about it if you need to. 

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    "[Am I wrong] for standing firm on my “lack of hygiene” and choosing cat over bf?"

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    First things first, I (24F) have been dating "Kyle" (25M) for two months now. He has started to spend the night.
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    Kyle never grew up with pets, so my cat has been an "adjustment" to him (his words). My cat "Crumb" (4M) is the most important aspect in my life right now. Like most cat parents, he rules the household. We are very close, since I found him abandoned on the side of the road (as a 3mo old kitten) and nursed him back to health.
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  • We think that people who don't have cats, or pets in general, truly don't understand the bond that we have with them. Yes, we say that we rescued them, but so often, they also rescue us. They rescue us from sadness, from loneliness, from ourselves. They give us purpose. Their love, at times, is the best thing in our lives, and we do everything that we can to keep them happy. Us kissing them on their little foreheads is something that we do about 300 hundred times a day, it is our privilege, and we will not stop doing it for anyone. Anyone. 

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    Crumb is very docile, but hasn't shown any affection or really interest in Kyle. I don't force it. Crumb does as he does.
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    Lately, Kyle has been complaining about Crumb. I guess he walked into my bathroom to see Crumb rubbing his face against my toothbrush (I have one of the electric ones that stands). He was shocked and told me how disgusting it was. I laughed and said "yeah that's not great." He demanded I get a new toothbrush (expensive) and I said no. I just put the toothbrush in a drawer.
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    Next, Kyle says he doesn't like my nightly routine with Crumb. I give Crumb a kiss on the head, stomach and then face before he goes to sleep. He sleeps on my bedside table in a cat bed. If I don't do this routine, he lays on me until I do. I know that's annoying, but that's how it has always been and I love doing it.
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    Well Kyle says I am unhygienic because of this. He says Crumb is dirty (he is inside only and I brush him every day) and even letting him sleep in the bedroom is gross and gets fur everywhere (it doesn't, but Kyle isn't even allergic so). I told him that I put the toothbrush away, but he told me that I took it as a joke and didn't punish Crumb.
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    I tried to explain that you can't punish cats (nor would I want to in this scenario), but he wouldn't hear it. He then went on to say that me kissing Crumb is disgusting, especially his face, and he wouldn't ever kiss me if I kissed Crumb again. He asked me to put Crumb outside the room when he is over, or lock him in a "crate."
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    So I said, "okay bye." Not only is Crumb 10000x more important to me, but I laughed in Kyle's face about never kissing my cat again/keeping him locked.
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    This is where I may be the AH. Kyle told me that I was ruining our future and how mean I am for laughing at his concerns. I felt guilty so I asked a group of my friends and they were split.
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    The pet owners laughed, the non-pet owners said I am in the wrong for not making Kyle feel more comfortable. They said that Kyle wasn't asking me to get rid of Crumb, just compromise with him. They said I was being kinda gross and understand his concerns.
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    TLDR; Bf doesn't like me kissing cat. I said it wasn't going to stop and laughed at him. He and friends call me insensitive and gross.
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  • The only thing that we can say to this situation… was that you did the right thing, and we are happy that it happened two months into the relationship instead of two years in. Too many times, we see the latter story online. People who stuck around and made compromises when it comes to their pets, despite those compromises never being enough. We know that breakups are hard even after two months, especially when it feels like they happened over something that they shouldn't have happened over. And yet, they are much easier after two months than two years. Good for you for standing up to yourself and your feline. 

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    krik2019 NTA-Crumb sounds like a great cat! Your boyfriend, not so great. Keep the cat, ditch the boyfriend. You'll be happier.
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    SixWolfie Definitely NTA, the laughing in his face is a bit mean but I don't agree with your friends saying he wasn't asking to get rid of him. Cause you said he said he wanted the cat to go outside or in a crate when he was over. So if you would move in together the cat would be needed to be "not there" for ever
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    KellyfromtheFuture I think you need to rehome him. The BF I mean. You are too incompatible and he is asking way too much. This is well beyond making him comfortable, this is him trying to change the way you live your life after 2 months together?? Screw that. From personal experience, I say find yourself a cat man, you'll be much happier. NTA
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    eisengel22 NTA, crumb will be in your life for the next 16-20 years, Kyle should only be there for the next 16-20 hours. If he's like this now it's only going to get worse. He's acting jealous of a kitten.
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boyfriend cat breaking bad drama interesting girlfriend hygiene story Cats
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